Greatest Archaeological Discovery of our Time

OKAY!  This is one you’ve got to see for yourself!

Recently discovered by a group of whip-yielding archeologists and wise-cracking museum curators is an ancient list of evangelism technics encouraged by the early church fathers.*  In this list we find some fascinating ideas for telling someone about your local church and inviting them to attend.  If you belong to an extraordinary church like I do – you want to share it with everyone you know.   But how do you go about inviting someone to church?  Listen to the wisdom of the ancient ones:

The Christmas Gram

Yes.  That’s right!  Hire a singing elf or rapping reindeer to bring a sense of holiday cheer to the one you want to invite to church.  You can even write the lyrics yourself.  “Christmas ain’t about the merch, so come with me to church.” or “Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you…sitting with me in a pew.” (Note: This only works in the month of December – otherwise you might look weird)

The Bashful Neighbor

If you are a bit of an introvert you can still invite your neighbor to church. Just take one of the church invite cards, casually walk next door, quickly slip the card between the weather stripping and the door, and then run home. It’s simple and nobody will know it was you. For increased effectiveness attempt this at 2:00am and ring the bell.

The Lunch Bribe

Everybody has a favorite restaurant. You can use this to your advantage! Find out your friend’s favorite restaurant and bribe them with brisket or Bolognese. Invite them to meet you at the church 10 minutes prior to your preferred scheduled service time and promise to take them out to lunch after the church service. (Note: If you go to an early morning service it is called: The Brunch Bribe)

The Drive-Thru Dash

Do you deserve a break today? Would you like to have it your way, right away? Yo Quiero Taco Bell? If so, you can pull off the Drive-Thru Dash. Take one of the invite cards, drive through your favorite fast-food place, order your food and give the worker the invitation. It’s that easy. You have a piping hot double-double and they have an invitation to church.

The Facebook Post

Some of you are like Sultans of Social Media. You can use the powerful influence you have over your 1900 closest friends by posting a link to your church’s website and expressing your love for the church. You may not know the impact that might have upon someone that is just now ready to receive Jesus and start attending a new church. Try it!

Hypnotherapy

If you are not a licensed hypnotherapist or morally opposed to tricking someone into a religious experience then please move on to #7.  Okay, those of you reprobates who are still reading, buy a watch with a chain and get busy. Warning!!!  Be careful to articulate your words.  One poor fellow ended up convincing his friend to “amend someday his search.”  The man is now on an endless hunt for meaning and never has attended a Sunday at his church.

The Momma Guilt Trip

You know what I’m talking about. You have a power that few can resist and you ought not waste it on simple things like flowers and phone calls. It can go something like this… “You know how much I love going to church. Once I had to miss church, but it was worth it. I had been in labor for 37 hours when the sun came up that Sunday morning. Though I wanted to go and worship I was preoccupied giving life… to you. I guess I’ll never have that Sunday back.” Then make the pitch! 

Wait!  What am I doing?  If you’re a mom you know exactly what to do next.

The Donut King

At your workplace, offer to bring in enough donuts for everyone on Monday if only one person from work will attend with you on Sunday. You will be crowned the donut king, they will get credit for taking one for the team, and you’ll have a guest with you on Sunday! Win – Win – Win

The Rope & Tape

If you are getting desperate trying to find someone to attend with you on Sunday – go to Home Depot and purchase a roll of DuckTape and rope. Now, I’m not saying that you should kidnap someone, tie them up, put them in your trunk and then release them Sunday morning in the church parking lot. I’m not saying that! However, you can get creative with rope and DuckTape. It’s all I’m saying.

Just Ask

You know, you could just ask. Simply ask that person to be your guest on Sunday. They might surprise you, come and enjoy it. And most importantly, they might meet Jesus.

 

WOW!!!  I’m amazed by this fascinating archeological discovery.  Who knew that the early church fathers were so… let’s say… inventive?

Don’t put it off.  This Sunday is a perfect Sunday for you to invite that friend, neighbor, co-worker, or relative.  Look at the clock.  Determine to send that text, make that call, or walk over to that desk before the top of the hour.  You can do this!

Did they miss any good ideas? Maybe you have a few of your own that would help our readers.  Share them now in the comment section:

* The documentation needed to verify the historicity of this list could not be provided for the list itself is fallacious in nature and satirical in origin.