Family Marriage

Date Your Mate – Part 5

In previous posts we defined the date, balanced the budget, bagged the babysitter and customized the categories. Today we will see essential elements to any date. All dates are not the same but all good dates will include certain elements!

1.  Romance

Ahhhh, candle light… freshly cut roses… and Lionel Richie playing in the background.  OK, maybe Lionel Richie is not your thing, but nonetheless, romance is an essential element in Dating.  From our earliest days we are conditioned to desire romantic love, just re-watch any Disney movie and you’ll see.  Yet it’s not just the ladies.  I cannot tell you how many times I have had men complain to me during marriage counseling that their was “cold” romantically.  Go to a nice restaurant and spend time looking into each other’s eyes.  Complement your love on their clothing, smile or general appearance.  You may think that this is a bit silly and unnecessary but I challenge you to read the Song of Solomon in the Bible and see how many specific compliments were given from man to wife and from wife to man. romance, setting the mood is important.


2.  Variety

Don’t go to the same place or do the same thing every time.  If yoga re a typical couple at least one of you are a routine person.  You like the same thing at the same place at the same time… every time.  Yet, it is important to keep things spicy.  Be adventurous and try something neither of you have ever tried.  A Moroccan restaurant, tennis match, a bike ride or knock over a liquor store together.  The point is… let’s shake things up.  (For those who do not know me well enough yet, I don’t really want you to rob a liquor store.  Getting shot is not romantic.)

3.  Time to Connect

My wife and I like to occasionally take in a movie for a date night.  Yet there is a problem with every date night happening down at the Cineplex… you cannot connect to one another when you are looking at a giant screen.  You need time to communicate and share your life experiences, thoughts and feelings.  Find options that give you plenty of time to connect.

4.  Mutual Enjoyment

It is so easy to find something that you like to do.  It is even easy to find something that they like to do.  But it can be difficult to find something you both like to do.  In his book, His Needs Her Needs, Dr. Willard Harley speak about the spheres of interest.  He says that is important to find something to occupy your time together that falls within that sweet spot of things that are in your sphere of interests and her sphere of interests.  When you cannot find something that interests you both than you ought take the lead and learn to enjoy something your spouse enjoys doing.

5.  Physical Intimacy

If you are married then you need to end every date night by making love to your spouse.  I know what some of you might be thinking. Really, every time, come on that is unrealistic.  All I have to say is that if you think that is a lot you should consider taking one of my or my wife’s sessions we teach on the subject of daily sexual intimacy in the marriage relationship.

What do you think?  Do you think I am way off base?  Which “essential” would you remove?  Is there one that you would add?  Express your comments below.

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