Family Marriage

Date Your Mate – Part 1

Over the next few blog posts, I am going to be writing about the importance of dating in the marriage relationship.  I hope that you will follow along.

Although there are MANY areas in my life that I am struggling to improve, my dating life is not one of them.  I have been married to Heather for 11 years, and we are deeply in love!  I am not just talking about the obligatory kind of love that I must give because of the vows I made years ago, but a romantic love that continues to grow deeper throughout the years.  Some may question if this is even possible.

Others may dismiss this as the endangered but not extinct animal we call “true love”.  That we just happened to find “the one” and we are merely lucky.  I can say with complete certainty that Heather and I are truly lucky to be together, I’d say blessed even.  I’d go further and say that she is “the one” and that we have “true love”.  But none of these things are coincidental; they are cultivated.  They are cultivated through Dating!  Today we will begin with defining what a date is.

Dating: Defining a Date


 1.  Alone

A date is only a date if you are alone.  Although you love your kids, they are not invited!  I remember as a child watching reruns of the Brady Bunch. Great Show!  In the pilot episode Mike and Carol marry, although the wedding itself is a bit of a disaster (thanks a lot Tiger).  After the wedding Mike and Carol drive away to the honeymoon but miss their children sooo much that they drive back to the home and pick up all 6 kids, the dog, the parakeet, and their maid. (Get a life Alice!!!)  The Inn Keeper seems bewildered that this honeymooning couple would do this as Mike explains that they are all there for the night, “…the whole Brady Bunch.”  I got to tell ya, I’m with the Inn Keeper.  What are these crazy people doing?  Look, a Date is meant to be a time where you are both alone with one another so that you will both have time to connect.

 2.  Away

A date, in most cases, should be away.  It’s not a date just because you are both sitting down to an episode of the Biggest Loser together.  This is not date, this is television.  Get away!  I don’t necessarily mean away from the house, though this is often important.  I mean away from normal.  This should be a planned event that takes you out of the daily grind and takes you to a place of romance and intimacy.

 3.  Aware

A date is not a date if you are unaware that you are on a date.  My point?  Stopping by McDonalds on the way home from church don’t count.  You must both be fully aware that this is a date!  Men are often clueless to this idea.  “What do you mean we never date?  I just took you and the kids to Chuck E. Cheese last weekend.”  A date is something you schedule, plan, and execute.  I know that may sound unromantic to some of my women readers, but I am trying to connect with the men.  Understand, she must be aware and you must be aware that we are going on a date; we are on a date; and we went on a date.

I would add a fourth point: Awake, since it goes with the alliteration but i’ll assume that this is a given.

What do you think?  Does your definition of Dating include Alone, Away, and Aware?  Is there another definition of dating that needed to be covered?  Express your comments below.

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  • Reply
    Trevor Summers
    September 5, 2012 at 4:55 am

    Adventurous – it is important to mix it up often; going to dinner every time doesn’t always breed new interests or doesn’t allow either one of you to express other things that interest you. Having an adventurous spirit allows each person to find out more likes and dislikes of one another. It can also bring light to a rough week, create excitement and anticipation, and lift one another’s spirits. Being adventurous helps keep the flame going and reduces ‘date monotony’.

    Affectionate – court your date, play innocent at the same time you can share a warm caress, hold hands, sneak a kiss, etc.

    Adoring – treat your date as if they are the only one in the room; give them your undivided attention and let them know you are interested in their thoughts and feelings.

  • Reply
    Too Busy For Marriage | Josh Teis | Lead Pastor Southern Hills Baptist Church
    March 25, 2014 at 8:56 am

    […] Socially Date your Mate! It’s incredibly important that you do not become so busy that you are no longer friends who like to hang out. In his wonderful book His Needs Her Needs, Willard F. Harley says, “Spending Recreational Time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband.” Every man needs a best friend and he shouldn’t have to settle for a dog named Spot or a guy named Buck. Every woman needs to be taken out and she shouldn’t have to settle for the McDonalds with the largest Play Place. For more on this topic: Date Your Mate Part 1 […]

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