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Killer Words

I’m not sure that some people get it. The power of words is incomparable. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Those who know how to harness the power of words are able to benefit greatly. Those who misuse their words will bring death to themselves and those around them. Don’t use these Killer Words:

The following list was taken from Willard Harley’s book His Needs Her Needs and has been adapted for this post.

Demanding Words
Some misogynistic men misunderstand the marital relationship and treat their beloved bride like a hired servant. Some domineering women misunderstand the marital relationship and treat their cowering husband like an idiot. Both of these people demand everything and accomplish nothing. They demand to be served. They demand to be respected. They demand to be loved. Phrases like, “You will…” or “You better never…” or “I’m putting my foot down.” We demand and never receive. You ought never demand from your mate but rather respectfully request. – Galatians 5:13 By love serve one another.

Demeaning Words
I have watched as women have verbalized utter disrespect for their husbands. It’s sad. It’s rather pathetic. I have heard as men have opening criticized their wives. It’s small. It’s rather telling. Her lack of respect for him and his constant criticism of her has led the relationship to a very warlike environment. A man who will call his wife a filthy name is not an honorable man and is showing his incredible insecurity. – I Peter 3:7 Husbands…giving honor unto the wife. – A woman who feels the compulsion to tear down her husband is impossible to respect. – Proverbs 30:23 (The World hates)…an odious woman when she is married.

Debating Words
Those who know me best know that I am very opinionated. I wish I could say that I am always gracious with my opinions but this is not the case. I like to debate and convince people to my way of thinking. Sometimes I can get outright silly about the whole thing. On June 2nd Heather and I will be celebrating 12 years of marriage! I have come to the realization that I am not the only one with a strong opinion. We disagree… often. Many times I attempt to persuade her to my point of view and she is often unable to come to the rational, logical, biblical, perfect, simple, and obvious conclusion I have come to. I cannot tell you how frustrating this was to me in our early years of marriage. How could she not see my point? Until I realized something important. She did see my point. She did understand my arguments. She just happened to disagree with my conclusions. I learned that this was OK! It’s fine to disagree and may of us feel like we have to make our spouse agree with us on every issue and it just is not the case. My father used to say, “If both parties in marriage agreed on everything, then one of the two are not necessary.”

Disparaging Words
You’re never going to change! You have always been that way! Our marriage is doomed to fail! My dear friend you must learn to be optimistic and positive in your outlook on life. Stop being so very hard on yourself and your mate. One of the worst things you will ever do to your marriage is to discourage your spouse from growing. Your cynicism and doubt are destroying your future and you seem to be embracing it. STOP BRINGING UP THE PAST!!! If you want to move the relationship forward then stop bringing up the past! Every time you get into a real deep argument you feel like it is necessary to go DEFCON TEN and remind your lover how they almost destroyed your relationship years ago. It’s in the past! Leave it there and stop those disparaging words from escaping your lips.

What killer words did I miss? Do you feel I have misstated something? Let me know your opinion in the comment section below:

If you have questions about marriage that might be helpful to others feel free to post anonymously.

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  • Reply
    Linda scott
    July 12, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    Agree, very well stated!

  • Reply
    July 12, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    Hilarious and spot on!! Oh my goodness your words are an encouragement and so eloquently stated! A most enjoyable read, and tasty morsels to munch on. (Naam, naam) Forget the blog and write a book! Sign me up! 😀

    • Reply
      Joshua Teis
      July 12, 2013 at 5:40 pm

      Thanks for the support Cookie! Not sure I know you personally or if you are using a private internet name but I’m glad it was a blessing. Feel free to pass it along.

      • Reply
        July 12, 2013 at 6:17 pm

        (Waving hand)…. It’s me! It’s me! Lol! Yep, see ya Sunday!

  • Reply
    Linette Winsler
    July 12, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    Loved what you said which I agree with

  • Reply
    July 12, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    I heard a pastor one time actually say “men are stupid” – how about that?

    • Reply
      Joshua Teis
      July 12, 2013 at 9:21 pm

      What?!?! Unthinkable!!!! If I were a man I would forever be offended. 🙂

  • Reply
    July 13, 2013 at 9:19 am

    …I find this very incendiary…AND RIGHTFULLY SO. The frequent perception of the Word of God (and the Shepherd of God-the Pastor/Minister) is that words are never supposed to be damning. Thankfully, words of correction are also words of encouragement from God, simultaneously. That said, Pastor Teis is absolutely correct. There is a COMPLETELY Western perception of love, marriage, and relationships. We pride men on the obliviousness to actually KNOWING their God-given mate, and women for understanding this ridiculousness. Rather than building-to-buding “the modern relationship”, the process of socialization teaches us to “be okay” with not trying to use our thinking and word-choices for positive…not for “good”. Christ Himself sais in His Word, that …”none are good…” I strongly believe that what Pastor Teis is telling us is that there is NO excuse for the misuse and abuse of your spouse, via words (or any other fashion). While we are all but sinners (totally) deserving damnation, Christ uses Himself as an example to teach us to use words to uplift, although MANY may not agree with you. MANY did not agree with Christ (and STILL don’t), but Christ loves each and every one of us…and that message does not and will not change. Pastor Teis is absolutely correct…words are powerful. Use them wisely…remembering that ultimate wisdom and instruction, comes from
    Christ Himself. If Christ is our barometer for how we live out the life that He has given us…using words and understanding the power of its use will become easier each day.

  • Reply
    Debbie Raley
    July 13, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    Pastor Teis,
    I am so glad that you chose to blog this. I have always known that a tongue is like a two edged sword. When I was much younger I was always running my mouth. Now, many years later I have experienced some killer words and they really can kill you. Now, I listen more carefully to what is being said to me (which is a positive) and I either have much less to say or I think before I speak. For me, this seems to have gotten better with age.

    Debbie Raley

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