Featured Leadership

Like A Lego

(Understanding the difference between Extroverts & Introverts)

People are like Legos, they only have so many connectors.

First of all, every Lego is created to connect with others. The same is true of humans. Whether you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert you still have an inner need to genuinely connect with other human beings. The difference between an introvert and an extrovert is simply how many connectors you happen to have.

Would you fault a Lego with eight connectors because it could not connect directly with nine other Legos? Of course you wouldn’t. It was designed and created to only connect to a certain amount of Legos. It’s true that some Legos have more connectors than do others. Some are able to connect to dozens while others are only designed to connect to only two. They are all designed to connect but they all have a differing amount of connectors.

I. Frustration
I know people who seem to have dozens of connectors. They are genuinely close to several dozen people who consider them to be a personal and intimate friend. These “larger Legos” are social butterflies retaining the ability to have a heart-to-heart over coffee at 2:00pm with one friend, before heading over to the baby-shower of another friend at 4:00pm, and finally arriving at home to prepare a meal for a group of friends scheduled to dine at 6:30pm. These people are not frustrated but rather thrive on this social interaction. They have many connectors.

Frustration arrives when a person with only 6 connectors attempts to live as if she has 20.

II. Depersonalization
A person with fewer connectors will grow frustrated with trying to keep up with the social lives of others, and may even fall into the trap of loneliness and depersonalization. Because they have fewer connectors and feel obligated to keep connecting with newer people they may find it necessary to disconnect from deeper friendships in order to make room someone else. No matter who you are, you can only connect with so many people. This disconnection from a deep friend will lead to loneliness and likely into depersonalization. The new people I keep connecting to are simply names with faces and nothing more. It can be difficult to open up and truly care because you know that you will soon have to disconnect from them as you have everyone else.

III. Rudeness
“Smaller Legos” may identify this reality of their personality and make necessary life adjustments. In doing so they may find themselves declining invitations, opportunities, and even friend requests. This can be interpreted as rude by people with more connectors. So the name-calling might begin. She is stuck-up. He’s a snob. They’re cliquish.

This doesn’t have to be the case! If you are a smaller Lego with fewer connectors – simply attempt to say no with grace, love, kindness, and understanding. Be keenly aware that you can refuse a friendship in friendly way. If you are a larger Lego with many connectors – attempt to show grace and understanding to those who may not see the social world in the same way you do.

Are you a Large Lego or a Small Lego? Do you think this concept is correct or am I way off base? Comment below:

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  • Reply
    February 15, 2016 at 7:08 pm

    I personally am a large Lego lol. Married
    To a small Lego. I think I enjoy connecting others though so I think there might be a third type of Lego. Miss you all!

    • Reply
      Josh Teis
      February 16, 2016 at 6:29 pm

      You truly are a large lego! And this is why we all love you!

  • Reply
    Daniel R.
    February 15, 2016 at 9:46 pm

    I really like this concept. I’m a smaller Lego and people are always trying to get me to be a large lego. Knowing that it’s okay not to have a bunch of connections,while haveing some valuable ones is very reassuring.

    • Reply
      Josh Teis
      February 16, 2016 at 6:30 pm


      Be who God created you to be.

      • Reply
        March 11, 2017 at 1:58 pm

        I’ve recently started a website, the information you provide on this web site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work. “If you would know strength and patience, welcome the company of trees.” by Hal Borland.VA:F [1.el5_908]p.6ase wait…VA:F [1.6.5_908](from 0 votes)

  • Reply
    February 16, 2016 at 1:15 am

    I’m definitely a small Lego and I’m always saying no to various social engagements if they’re outside my priorities.

    • Reply
      Josh Teis
      February 16, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      We must learn to say no.

  • Reply
    Tom H
    February 16, 2016 at 5:43 am

    I fit in with the small Lego group. I have friends who are large and small Legos. I tend to connect better with the small Lego people. By the way I love my large Lego friends too.

    • Reply
      Josh Teis
      February 16, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      Large legos are necessary if you are going to try to build anything of great size. Right? Love the large legos too

  • Reply
    February 16, 2016 at 12:20 pm


  • Reply
    Erik Stonebraker
    February 16, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    Don’t know what “lego” I am…..I am one of the most known people at church but zero close friends…?

    • Reply
      Josh Teis
      February 16, 2016 at 6:36 pm

      I think this can happen to big and small legos. When we attempt to connect to more people than we are designed to – this leads to less than deep relationships. In these cases I think it might be best to limit ones interaction with many and focus their time on just a few people. This investment will create deeper relationships.

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